ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
