I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize