I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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