Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
