I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
