You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
