the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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