I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
