You smell like stripper and shame
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
