You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
