why didn't you poke me back
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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