Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize