What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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