i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
