My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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