Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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