I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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