I cannot find my penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
