I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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