Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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