tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
