He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
