my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
