3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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