I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
