wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So. Much. Porn.
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