he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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