you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
