there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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