So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
