i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
