just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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