I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
