she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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