were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
