i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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