just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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