That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
