exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize