so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
