so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's always time for handjobs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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