Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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