in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
