I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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