During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
