i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
