The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
