i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
