what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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