Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So apparently I’m into choking now
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