his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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