somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you had me at cake vodka
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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