i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
