My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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