I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
