we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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