It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
