I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sarcasm needs its own font
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
