3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
