My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
