i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
