the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
