I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize