where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
