I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize