He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
